


Tien and Launch go to IKEA

by auralime



Category: Dragon Ball
Genre: Domestic Fluff, F/M, Fluff, IKEA, IKEA Furniture, Marriage, There's also some one-sided Raditz/Launch, Tien and Launch are married, Unrequited Love, crackfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:09:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27625205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/auralime/pseuds/auralime
Summary: Tien and Launch go to IKEA.
Relationships: Launch/Tenshinhan (Dragon Ball)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 5





	Tien and Launch go to IKEA

**Author's Note:**

  * For [EdibleNonsense](https://archiveofourown.org/users/EdibleNonsense/gifts).



> Happy birthday, Ediblenonsense! I hope you enjoy this Tien/Launch crackfic! :D  
> This is very, very custom written for you, as you will soon see...

“Launch, is that you??” an impossibly tall IKEA employee lumbered toward the blonde. The dark-haired man easily carried 15 boxed shelving units with one arm, causing quite a few customers to stop and stare.

“Oh. Hi, Raditz,” Launch’s unenthusiastic reply hit Raditz deep in the center of his sternum. The girl turned to glance at Tien and Chiaotzu, who were curiously eyeing massive bags of frozen meatballs a few aisles away.

“I didn’t know you shopped at IKEA,” Raditz’s smile desperately clutched to life when noticing Launch’s attention directed at someone other than himself. “I hope you’re not here to rob us,” he winked at her with playful confidence, but his awkward laugh betrayed his true feelings.

“Naw, we’re just in need of some new furniture,” Launch said as she casually inspected the nails on her left hand.

“ _We?_ Launch, do you live with someo-” A spark of light caught Raditz’s gaze. He blinked in disbelief at the modest diamond ring on Launch’s ring finger. “Y-You're _married??_ ”

A smug grin appeared on Launch’s face. “Yep! We just got back from our honeymoon and decided Tien’s place needed a few extra things to accommodate one extra person.”

“How did you get over me so fast??”

“Raditz, we’ve never dated…”

“Not technically!”

“You never even asked me out on a date!”

“Not _technically_!”

“Asking ‘ _Hey babe, wanna fuck?_ ’ is _not_ asking me out on a date!”

“Yes it is!” Tears began forming at the corners of Raditz’s eyes.

“Anything wrong?” Tien had appeared after sensing hints of tension in the air. Chiaotzu was happily carrying a bag of potato chips, too busy reading the ingredients to pay much attention to what was going on.

“You two are _married!!_ ” Raditz screamed before blasting off towards the warehouse storage rooms, the boxed shelving units flying out of his hands and toppling all over the aisle. The customers who had been gawking at the employee's feats of strength were now screaming and diving for cover.

“What was that about?” Tien asked.

A mischievous look crossed Launch’s face. “Oh, that was just my ex-boyfriend. He’s a little jealous he can't have me anymore.” She coyly peered up at him, watching his expression carefully.

“Hmm ok.” Tien rose his brows curiously, but quickly changed the subject as if this revelation was not important. “I saw a bedroom set on display I thought you'd like.”

Launch hummed. Typical Tien, he didn't sweat the small stuff and very little phased him. “Lead the way, I’d love to see it!”

* * *

“You’ve _got_ to be kidding me,” Launch rested heavy hands on her hips, a deep frown pressing into her features.

“What's wrong with it?” Tien stood beside a beautiful wooden wardrobe and bedside table. The intricate lamp on top was expertly carved out of a gnarled stump and polished into art. His brows knit with confusion. “It has the rugged, dark wooded theme you said you liked so much.”

“Sure, it has a nice theme and colors, but….”

“But what?”

“But the bed…”

“Oh!” Chiaotzu flew into the display room, face brightening at the sight of what lay before him. “Bunk beds!” He flew onto the top bunk.

“Do you really expect us to sleep on _this_?”

Tien blinked, realizing he hadn’t specified he didn’t want to purchase _everything_ in this room. It was just the general aesthetic he knew she'd like. “I was planning on a different bed, but you have to admit, bunk beds are very efficient when it comes to space.” A playful grin tugged at his lips.

Launch relaxed and lightly slapped Tien on the shoulder. “You scared me!!” She laughed.

“So we’re not getting it?” Chiaotzu’s voice dropped.

“Who would sleep in the bottom bunk?” Launch asked.

“I would!”

“And the top?”

“Still me!” Chiaotzu grinned while bouncing on the mattress, causing a bit of dust to fly into the air. Launch sneezed and her hair changed color in a flash.

“Oh! Where are we?” the now dark haired girl asked, blinking wide eyed around the well-lit room. A dozen differently styled bedroom mockups lined winding pathways as far as the eyes could see. The only hope of navigating the large, winding space was entrusted to the arrows on the floor.

“IKEA!” Chiaotzu was still happily bouncing.

“You've yet to tell me what you think about this style for our bedroom,” Tien said, motioning toward the furniture that reminded him so much of Launch's tastes.

Tears formed at the corners of Launch’s eyes. “O-oh dear. Bunk beds??”

“Maybe we should check out a different room…” Tien’s shoulders dropped in defeat.

* * *

Every room in the furniture maze held delightful surprises and a dozen objects they all imagined would look nice in their house. The bedroom section morphed into dozens of living rooms, dining rooms, and kitchens. Each room seemingly better and more stylish than the last. Though they’d come to the store intent on purchasing a few new pieces for their bedroom, they instead found themselves having more fun window shopping for every room in the house.

“I just can’t decide!” Launch was looking back and forth between two different bathroom sets.

“We don't have to decide today,” Tien said as he took her hand and gave it a squeeze. “This can be a reconnaissance mission to gather data. We'll come back later and make a final decision.”

Launch peered up at him, her dark eyes shining. "I'm glad we're making these decisions together. I'm having a lot of fun."

"Me too," Tien smiled back.

“Heyyyy, you two!” an old voice called out between the clicks of a cane on linoleum floors.

“Master Roshi,” Tien pleasantly stated in greeting and nodded his head. “What are you doing on the mainland?”

“Checking out all the IKEA babes, of course!” the old man screeched happily. He turned his gaze Launch’s way while adjusting his sunglasses. “Your wedding was beautiful! It was about time you two got married.”

“Thank you!” Launch beamed.

"Krillin and I were taking bets years ago on when you two would finally tie the knot. Later, 18, Yamcha, and even Mr. Popo got in on it! By the way..." Roshi leaned in and whispered loudly enough for all three of them to hear, “You and I were married once…” A cheeky grin was plastered on his face. Launch’s face darkened and Tien rose a single brow. “… In my dreams!” The old man let out a series of cackles. The creaks in his joints faded away as he hobbled off.

“Tien, I’m scared.” Chiaotzu hovered by Tien’s shoulder and gripped the man's sleeve between his thumb and forefinger.

“Me too, Chiaotzu. Me too.” Tien then turned to Launch. “Are you ok?”

“Hmm?” Launch asked. “Oh, it’s no problem!” she beamed happily, but Tien noticed the way her eyes squinted a little too tightly. He frowned in concern. Her blue self would often brush off things that were better off addressed than suppressed.

“Oh!!” Her expression suddenly changed to one of concern as if she had forgotten something. “I just remembered I wanted to take another look at something from that bedroom set earlier!” She turned on her heel and glided across the floor at such a fast pace, she appeared to almost fly.

Tien and Chiaotzu exchanged glances before Tien’s eyes grew larger. “Wait!! That’s ….” He paused when he noticed she was gone. His voice dropped lower, “the direction Roshi went.”

* * *

Tien rounded the corner and then another. Soon, he was so disoriented and lost among walls of bath towels, he barely knew which way was up or down. He was sure he followed the path they'd taken to get here, but somehow ended up in an aisle filled floor to ceiling with kitchen utensils.

That’s when he saw her. The dark bushy head of hair that belonged to his wife.

“There you are! Did you get lost, too?” Tien said as he put a hand on Launch’s shoulder.

Launch turned around and – it wasn’t Launch.

“Hey, Tien!” Yamcha grinned. “How many kitchen timers do you think is in this bin? I’m guessing at least 200. And look at all the different colors!”

“Oh yeah, that is quite a lot.” Tien noted Yamcha’s t-shirt. “Nice shirt.”

“Thanks!” Yamcha tugged at the bottom so Tien could better read the large letters spanning his chest. “I got it at a concert for my absolute favorite band – Maroon 5!”

“Cool,” Tien said, not having a clue who or what that was. “Have you seen Launch?”

“Yeah, I saw her wander that way toward the jungle of potted plants,” Yamcha pointed down another winding trail lined with television sets.

“Thanks, Yamcha!” Tien jogged down the path, careful not to bump into anyone in the crowded aisles.

* * *

“Can’t you give me another chance??”

“But Mr. Raditz, I’m married now!” Launch curled her fingers into loose fists and pressed them together to her chest.

“It’s not too late to dump that bald loser! What’s he got that I don’t??”

“I—I--,” Launch stuttered. Raditz could be way too pushy and it often scared her. The long list of qualities she liked about Tien left her brain as panic overtook her. 

“He’s so goody-goody now. Don’t you want a sexy bad boy with long flowing hair??” he flexed and winked.

Launch squeezed her eyes shut. “I... I love him!!!” she shouted.

Raditz was taken aback. He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out.

“Mr. Raditz, you’ll one day make someone very happy, but not with me. We’re just not right for each other.” Launch said as she put a delicate hand on his elbow and pushed his flexing arm down.

Raditz sadly rolled down the sleeve of his yellow IKEA uniform. “It’s because he’s the heir to the McDonalds fortune, isn’t it?”

"Wh-"

“Launch!!” A large fern smacked Tien in the face as he ran into the room. Relief washed over him when he saw her, but the expression she wore made him feel like he’d just swallowed a Swedish meatball whole.

“Is it true, Tien??” Launch asked.

“Is what true?”

“That you’re a McDonald?”

“That I’m a _what??_ ”

“Vegeta told me your real name is Tien McDonald!” Raditz said as he wiped his nose on his arm.

Tien sighed. “Vegeta’s messing with you, Raditz. He likes exploiting how gullible you are.”

“Do you not want to date me because I’m _gullible??_ ” Raditz gripped Launch's shoulders and snorted while he sobbed.

“I have to go, Mr. Raditz. Goodbye!” Launch ducked out of the large man's grip and latched onto Tien’s arm.

As the couple walked away, Tien watched as Raditz fell to the floor, a hand outstretched toward Launch. "Goodbye... my love!" the Saiyan squeaked.

* * *

“Chiaotzu said to order him one of the meatball entrees,” Launch read from her phone. She had texted him earlier to meet in the cafeteria once they realized they'd gotten separated.

The couple paid for three plates of meatballs and found a sunny spot to sit by the large windows overlooking the parking lot. They were watching people load their cars with furniture when they saw Chiaotzu float toward them, a huge box hovering behind.

“Did you find something you like?” Tien asked, his meatballed fork paused as he tried reading the Swedish words printed on the sides of the large cardboard box.

The spiciness of one of the meatballs caused Launch to sneeze again, returning her to her blonde form.

“I sure did!” Chiaotzu hopped around excitedly in the air.

“…. no….” Launch’s eyes widened when she saw the image on the slip of paper stapled to the box.

“It’s the bunk bed!” Chiaotzu bit his bottom lip, suddenly looking shy but hopeful. “I just… really liked it.”

“Well, if it’s for Chiaotzu…” Launch relaxed, draping one arm over the back of her chair.

“I’m telling you, the space it could save-“ Tien began cheekily.

“ _NO!_ ” Launch laughed as she grabbed a piece of broccoli from her plate and threw it weakly at Tien's chest.


End file.
